


She Returns: Part One

by lol-phan-af (lol_phan_af)



Series: 1-800-did-I-ask [51]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Multi, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-27
Updated: 2016-08-27
Packaged: 2018-08-11 11:51:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7890928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lol_phan_af/pseuds/lol-phan-af
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>laf: hugh is here again</p><p>laf: and that'D BE FINE</p><p>laf: EXCEPT GUESS WHO ELSE IS HERE</p><p>johnn: his parents??</p><p>laf: ELIZABETH FUCKCKJFCJVINKDFNG SANDERS</p><p>johnn: WHAT</p>
            </blockquote>





	She Returns: Part One

**laf** : I want a divorce from alex and hercules 

**laf** : john if you pack our bags we could be out of here by nightfall

**johnn** : I was about to come out but now I don't want to

**laf** : hugh is here again

**laf** : and that'D BE FINE

**laf** : EXCEPT GUESS WHO ELSE IS HERE

**johnn** : his parents??

**laf** : ELIZABETH FUCKCKJFCJVINKDFNG SANDERS

**johnn** : WHAT

**laf** : AND HE DIDNT TELL US ABT EITHER OF THEM

**laf** : AND ALEX WALKS OUT IN HIS UNDERWEAR AND NOTHING ELSE

**laf** : HES COVERED IN HICKIES

**johnn** : OH MY GOD

**laf** : HE SEES THEM AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE DOES

**johnn** : I DONT WANT TO

**laf** : HE STEALS MY SHIRT

**laf** : I WAS W E A R I N G IT

**johnn** : OH MY G O D

**laf** : anYWAY SO NOW IM SITTING HERE LISTENING TO ELIZABETH SANDERS TALK ABOUT THE VET CLINIC SHE WORKS FOR WHILE I FREEZE TO DEATH

**johnn** : OH MY GOD IM COMING OUT IM GOING TO SCREAM

**laf** : BRING ALEX'S PHONE

**johnn** : OKAY

\---

**johnn** : tbh we should probably get another couch

**laf** : we do not need three couches

**johnn** : ?????

**johnn** : our whole relationship takes up one couch

**johnn** : then we have one loveseat which can fit max five people even tho it really only seats two

**johnn** : and a bare wall with nothing on it

**johnn** : I think it's safe to say that we need another couch

**laf** : okay true true

**little lion** : why are we having this conversation now

**johnn** : bc hercules is sitting up and you're lying on all of us and my leg is asleep

**little lion** : I meant why are we having this conversation now when elizabeth sanders is trying to talk to us and I'm the only one responding

**johnn** : oh

**laf** : shit

\---

**little lion** : hugh and elizabeth are together

**laf** : what

**johnn** : whTA

**little lion** : think about it

**little lion** : there is NO reason elizabeth needs to be here

**little lion** : hugh wouldn't just bring his brother's ex girlfriend here for fun

**little lion** : so like why

**little lion** : my most basic guess is that it's bc they're dating

**laf** : I hate this

**laf** : also if they are dating why does hugh only like people his brother has dated

**johnn** : ew don't make me think about it

**laf** : I have to know

**johnn** : please don't ask him

**laf** : I won't

**laf** : I'll ask hercules tho

**johnn** : please no

**laf** : it's too late I've decided

**johnn** : please no

\---

**little lion** : CALLED IT

**little lion** : I FUCKIFN CALLED IT

**little lion** : I SHOULDVE BET MONEY ON IT

**johnn** : LOOK AT HERCULES' F A C E

**little lion** : OH MY GOD

**laf** : THIS IS SO FUNNYNYNYNNYNYNYNY

**johnn** : ALEX YOU CNANT JUST WALK OUT OF THE ROOM WE CNA HEAR YOU LAUGHING FROM EHREHREHRE

**little lion** : ILL BE OUT IN A MINUTE HOLD ON

**johnn** : ARE THEY STAYING WITH US

**laf** : YEAH

**johnn** : FOR HOW LONG

**laf** : LIKE A WEEK BC HUGH APPARENTLY HAS A JOB INTERVIEW OUT HERE IDK HE SAID SMTH ABOUT IT

**johnn** : wHERE ARE THEY SLEEPING

**laf** : ON THE COUCH PROLLY?? WHERE HUGH STAYED LAST TIME HE WAS HERE??

**johnn** : they're gonna ruin the pull out couch

**laf** : fucking how

**johnn** : bc my dent in the mattress is perfectly sculpted and they're just gonna

**johnn** : fix it

**johnn** : YOU CANT JUST LEAVE THE ROOM

\---

**more like HUNKules** : IS THIS MY REAL LIFE RN

**little lion** : IM ACTUALLY SCREAMING

**more like HUNKules** : SAME

**more like HUNKules** : IF EITHER OF THEM TRY TO MENTION ANYTHING ABT ME BEFORE I MET ANY OF YOU DON'T LISTEN

**little lion** : ARE YOU KIDDING

**little lion** : I WANNA KNOW ABT BABY HERCULES

**laf** : SAME

**johnn** : RT

**more like HUNKules** : nO

\---

**laf** : why does hugh only like people that you've dated

**more like HUNKules** : idk

**more like HUNKules** : if this doesn't work out then he doesn't have any more people to date tho

**more like HUNKules** : unless he wants to track down that barista that I had a short lived crush on before we got together

**little lion** : chester is probably still recovering from his heartbreak after losing me

**more like HUNKules** : didn't you only have sex with him and didn't it only happen like once

**little lion** : actually we had like one date and then bc lafayette was out planning their birthday party we went back to my dorm and fucked and he was really bad at it

**more like HUNKules** : I walked in on that

**little lion** : yeah exactly and you've had sex with me so you know that he could very possibly still be heartbroken over losing me

**laf** : he's not wrong hercules

**more like HUNKules** : yEAH I KNOW

\---

**laf** : also have you really only ever dated us and elizabeth your whole life

**more like HUNKules** : when would I have had the time to date anyone else

**laf** : pre elizabeth??

**more like HUNKules** : I started dating elizabeth when I was 17

**more like HUNKules** : before that I had a crush on her for like 11 years and she had all these cool boyfriends that were Better than me before I actually asked her out and then we dated for like six years before I broke up with her in kind of a mean way and went back to campus with you all aka the literal loves of my life and continued to live my life with you

**more like HUNKules** : and then like,,,here we are

**laf** : okay first of all???

**laf** : 11 years??

**more like HUNKules** : yeah in first grade she moved to my school and she was nice to me and brought these really good lemon cookies for snack so I was like okay sign me tf up for love

**more like HUNKules** : and then she never stopped being nice so I didn't stop liking her

**laf** : okay I have comments but I'll ask my other questions first

**laf** : what do you mean ""all these cool boyfriends""

**more like HUNKules** : oh my god okay so basically I was very Not Cool from ages birth-17

**more like HUNKules** : and all of the boys she dated played sports

**more like HUNKules** : literally every single one of them  
  
**more like HUNKules** : so that was like considered cool bc they were like jocks I guess

**laf** : did you like try and join a sports team to like ~~impress her~~

**more like HUNKules** : yeS but also it was bc everyone kept telling me to do it bc I had the body for it I guess so I started playing football and then fuckign got iNJURED and couldn't play

**laf** : you have the body for it now so I imagine you did then

**more like HUNKules** : but like that was when I was 16 so I was still Not Cool

**laf** : what is exactly registered as ""Cool""

**more like HUNKules** : when I started getting hot

**laf** : I

**more like HUNKules** : and also at this point my dance teacher got really mad at me bc she didn't want me playing football for this exact reason so I couldn't do either and basically spent all of my time inside

**more like HUNKules** : so this is naturally when I learned how to bake those really good lemon cookies so that I could impress her bc I was already good at baking so why not use it to my advantage  
  
**laf** : you are the cutest person I have ever met

**more like HUNKules** : so then I mastered the lemon cookie recipe but I hadn't mastered LOVE

**laf** : omg

**more like HUNKules** : so when I fiNALLY mastered love and got my courage up to ask her,,,,I went to her house, gave her the lemon cookies,,,,and ran tf home

**more like HUNKules** : and then she called me and said yes and the rest was history  
  
**laf** : oh my god Hercules  
  
**more like HUNKules:** :////

**laf** : okay okay so like my biggest question but not my last one

**laf** : beTTER THAN YOU?

**more like HUNKules** : I

**laf** : LIKE A QUESTION: DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT IF YOU TRIED TO LOOK AT ALL THE PEOPLE BETTER THAN YOU IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE

**laf** : THERE WOULD BE NOBODY TO FUCKIFN LOOK AT

**johnn** : TRUE

**little lion** : RT

**more like HUNKules** : when did you get here

**little lion** : we were just in the shower bc I am covered in lipstick stains as well as hickies that were not gone from last night

**laf** : I didn't want to ruin the masterpiece that was my lipstick on your skin where it should not be

**little lion** : aNYWAY john is here for fun

**johnn** : I am here bc I didn't want to be alone with them

**more like HUNKules** : I

**johnn** : anyway sorry laf continue

**laf** : thank you

**laf** : AND YOU ARE SO PRETTY? LIKE YOU'RE LITERALLY AMAZING AND YOU SAY bETTER THAN YOU AS IF THATS A THING

**laf** : THATS NOT A THING HERCULES

**laf** : YOUR ONLY COMPETITION IS LIKE,,,,,,,,BEYONCE

**more like HUNKules** : okay let's not get extreme

**laf** : GOD I WISH I WAS KIDDING

**more like HUNKules** : thank you

**laf** : OKAY MY LAST QUESTION

**laf** : HOW DID YOU BREAK UP WITH HER

**laf** : ALSO IF YOU LOVED HER FOR 11 YEARS WHY DID YOU BREAK UP WITH HER

**laf** : actually nvm I have another question after this

**more like HUNKules** : oh my god okay

**more like HUNKules** : it was literally on easter and I told her that I was in love with the three of you and that I was like not in love with her anymore and that I was too old for our relationship

**more like HUNKules** : and then I told her that she'd always be the first love of my life

**more like HUNKules** : then I felt really guilty and I panicked so I packed my shit and came home literally as soon as I could

**laf** : oh my gOD

**more like HUNKules** : I broke up with her for those reasons and then I lied to you and told you I broke up with her bc we were too old for the relationship we were in but I didn't tell you that I was also in love with you

**laf** : oh!! my!! god!!

**laf** : okay last question:

**laf** : if you only ever dated her your entire life and you only ever had a crush on her

**laf** : how the fuck did you get good at sex bc like

**more like HUNKules** : BYE

**more like HUNKules** : BYE BYE BYE

\---

**johnn** : okay like they're being gross

**laf** : oh my god how

**johnn** : they're like cuddling on the love seat and whispering to each other

**little lion** : they still have their shoes on I don't understand why

**more like HUNKules** : we're coming back with food now

**johnn** : idk how it took you so long

**more like HUNKules** : we were halfway to getting chinese food when we realized we forgot to call so we just ordered when we got there and it takes Time

**laf** : he remembers both his brother's and elizabeth's food orders

**laf** : I think it's cute

**more like HUNKules** : it's not it's embarrassing

**laf** : I was also on hercules' phone looking for pictures of him and elizabeth and her contact name in his phone is just ""elizabeth s."" and then in the company thing he has "I'm sorry" like????

**johnn** : who hurt him

**laf** : he has a lot of rich sounding contacts in his phone

**more like HUNKules** : I have a lot of rich people that pay me to make them clothes

**laf** : ugh I'm so proud of you

**more like HUNKules** : I

**more like HUNKules** : thank you

**little lion** : hoNESTLY RT

**johnn** : SAME

**little lion** : THEYRE KISSING NOW

**little lion** : THEY STILL HAVE THEIR FUCKING SHOES ON WHY GOD

**more like HUNKules** : WE ARE R U N N I N G HOME

\---

**johnn** : yknow tho

**johnn** : for two people who were dating for over half a decade and then broke up bc one of them was in love with three people who are now engaged and the other is now dating their brother

**johnn** : hercules and elizabeth get along really well

**little lion** : okay but why did you have to phrase it like that

**johnn** : bc I find it funny

**johnn** : also we totally met her before like on multiple occasions why are we acting like we haven't

**little lion** : bc she's here

**little lion** : in our house

**little lion** : and she saw me mostly naked like two hours ago

**johnn** : still

**little lion** : also bc the first time we met her it was like a few months after me and hercules kissed on christmas and I apologized to her and then we all fell asleep

**johnn** : right right

**laf** : can you two not do this

**laf** : bc like you haven't said a word to them all day and it's awful

**little lion** : wrong before they started getting gross we asked how they got together and I tried not to pop a blood vessel while they told me the story

**little lion** : it had smth to do with gardening idk

**more like HUNKules** : I'm fucking screaming

\---

**little lion** : BEE MOVIE

**little lion** : CAN WE WATCH THE BEE MOVIE

**laf** : FUCKIFFNGFDHS NO

**little lion** : PLEASE I HAVE IT BOOKMARKED ON MY LAPTOP ITS ALREADY LOADED

**laf** : WHY

**little lion** : BC YOU THREW OUT MY DVD

**little lion** : OR RATHER YOU SENT IT AWAY WITH ANGELICA'S CHILDREN SO THAT SHE CAN SUFFER

**little lion** : aNYWAY PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

**laf** : oh my god

**little lion** : I AM YOUR HUSBAND

**little lion** : THIS IS WHAT MARRIAGE IS ABOUT

**laf** : FALSE?????

**laf** : BUT FINE

**little lion** : YEYSYSYYSSYS

\---

**laf** : that was the worst movie ever and I want to die

**little lion** : I also have shrek 2

**laf** : no

**little lion** : lmao I already started it

**laf** : why aren't our husbands stopping you

**little lion** : bc they know not to fight a battle they can't win

**johnn** : tbh I would but he just

**johnn** : looks so cute I really don't Want to

**laf** : okay wow true nvm

**little lion** : ily

**laf** : iLY

**johnn** : ILY

**more like HUNKules** : ily all too but honestly why must you make me suffer

**little lion** : I'm sorry but shrek two is a cinematic masterpiece and will not take this criticism

**laf** : I'm going to make popcorn I don't deserve this

**johnn** : I'm coming with you

\---

**little lion** : SCREAMS

**little lion** : "COOL TATTOO ALEX"  
"THANKS"  
"IS THERE LIKE A MEANING BEHIND IT"

**laf** : omg

**little lion** : *FORCES HERCULES TO EXPLAIN IT BC IM NOT EMBARRASSED OF OUR RELATIONSHIP BUT MENTIONING THE SAPPY THINGS WE DO TOGETHER TO OTHER PEOPLE IS EMBARRASSING*

**laf** : aLEX

**little lion** : I DIDNT NECESSARILY FORCE HIM I JSUT YKNOW

**little li** on: TURNED B R I G H T  R E D AND STARTED SWEATING TO WHICH HERCULES, THE MOST BEAUTIFUL HUSBAND, EXPLAINED IT TO THEM FOR ME

**more like HUNKules** : they said it was cute

**johnn** : it is

**more like HUNKules** : yes true but it would be cuter if the other two people who also have this tattoo would get in here bc I know you're making out the microwave went off five minutes ago

**johnn** : ,,,,,,we're coming

\---

**little lion** : do you think I could rock the fairy godmother look

**johnn** : you're too,,,,not sinister,,to be the fairy godmother

**little lion** : thank you??

**johnn** : but like yeah clothes wise

**more like HUNKules** : you would look pretty in red

**little lion** : but what about lying on top of a piano sLAYING

**more like HUNKules** : yeah I think you could do it

**little lion** : thank you

**little lion** : anyway back!! to!! the!! movie!!

\---

**laf** : no offense but like can we sLEEP

**johnn** : it's six o'clock??

**laf** : yes and I am tiRED of our antics

**johnn** : I

**laf** : what else can we watch

**little lion** : idk what else do we have that could traumatize them

**johnn** : is shrek the musical still on netflix

**little lion** : YES

**laf** : how do I remove tattoos

\---

**laf** : ITS LATE ENOUGH TO SLEEP LETS GO

**little lion** : are you rEALLY THAT TIRED

**laf** : WE??? HAVE WORK TOMORROW???

**laf** : NOT TO MENTION I HAVE THE FULL INTENTION OF MAKING OUT WITH YOU WHEN WE GET TO OUR ROOM???

**little lion** : WOW OKAY IM S U P E R TIRED LETS GO TO SLE EP TOTALLY JUST SLEEPING

**johnn** : okay but why did you have to say it out loud like that before you sent it

**little lion** : ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

**little lion** : shouldn't we be asleep,,,,,,,

**johnn** : wOW

**Author's Note:**

> I've been writing on ao3 for six months today!! that's so cool!! tysm to people who have talked to me despite the fact that I am the lamest person ever!!


End file.
